Finding My Voice

As requested, many of you told me that you enjoy reading all of my blogs, but overall, you prefer some of my deeper content. I am pretty surprised about that, but I am honored! Many of you guys also gave me some awesome feedback and inspiration for future blog posts. One request that really caught my eye was: "I would love to know how you found your voice." To be completely honest, I still have not found my voice entirely, but I am slowly beginning to understand myself as a person more and more everyday. Having a safe place to share my feelings, this blog, has really formulated me into a more wholesome and better entity. If any of you guys have a similar disposition to me, I recommend you continue reading about how I found my "voice", and how you can too.

Ever since I was a child, I was given the infamous label: "an introvert". This description of me has hung over my head ever since. I often wondered, why am I an introvert, and how can I be more like the rest of loud, outgoing family. I also wondered if maybe my shy persona had to do with my teeming insecurities as a child or maybe it was just my destiny to be an awkward, quiet person. I really hope not.

Because I was so different than the rest of my family, my mom used to call me "a giraffe that was trapped on a farm." While I don't entirely know if that is a good or bad thing, I will take it as a compliment. Not only did I seldom talk as I child, but I also never showed my feelings. I swear I wasn't a sociopath. I just never wanted to show anyone my emotions because I viewed it as a sign of weakness, and there was nothing more I hated than being vulnerable. My fear of showing my feelings got so bad that there were points in time where I would make myself physically sick to the stomach because I would bottle up all of my feelings. You probably had know idea that was even possible, but I assure you it is.

No one could get through to me, and I mean no one. Because of this, my desperate mother sent me to a therapist because she thought there were underlying issues going on with me. Thankfully, there were none. I was just diagnosed with a severe case of introvertism. Oh joy.

Finally, I began to seek out other ways to free my emotions. Instead of talking, I used writing as an outlet. I would constantly write down all of my feelings. I would write songs, poems, short stories, gibberish, and finally, blogs to rid all of my negative energy from myself. To this day, I still use this method to "cleanse my soul", and it one hundred percent works.

While I am still not a complete extrovert, nor will I ever be, at least now I can speak in front of groups, adults, teachers, and strangers without being drowned in anxiety and stress! If any of you, needs someone that they can relate to, or just needs someone to rant to, I am always here!!!

Much Love, Eva